Two People · One Story
Two People · One Story
Posted by : Tiffany | April 10, 2012
When Sam and I married, we were so young and nobody I knew thought we’d make it. He was 18 and I was 20 so it was no wonder everyone waited to see if I developed a belly. Regardless, we were both very optimistic. He came from a home with parents who rarely had an altercation and I from a single parent home where I never truly watched a marriage in action. In my eyes, the “Claire and Bill Huxtable” relationship was the result of two people who loved each other, and if two people loved each other, they had a great marriage. So, you can imagine my devastation when it all fell apart during the first few years…even going through a nine month separation.
We’ve now been married for 15 years and in no way has it ever been perfect, in fact it has often been quite messy. Just the other day, my son asked me “Why did you get mad at Dad today?” and I said, “It was silly but he had done something that really hurt my feelings”. Austin says, “ah… I see, so are you guys going get divorced over it?” (as he smirks). I just looked at him sideways and replied “No, but do you think that would solve anything?” to which he replied with,”nope!” in a silly voice and goes on about his business. Some may feel that you shouldn’t allow your children to hear any arguments or discussions about hurt feelings, but I don’t agree. In my opinion, covering it up only gives them a false sense of what marriage is and the commitment required to forge a good relationship and work through let-downs and hurts. As it’s been said of old, “a captain only earns his reputation during the storms”.
So then, why does commitment matter? When Sam and I separated all those years ago, there were so many factors that we had to consider in order to work things out. We needed to discover on our own terms just what commitment was to us, how that played out in our marriage and if our love commitment was strong enough to do the forgiving and work it would take to make it. Without a strong sense of commitment I couldn’t raise my children, I couldn’t keep a job, I couldn’t keep friends, I probably couldn’t follow Christ and I wouldn’t still be married today. Commitment is about being persistent with a purpose and it usually travels on a two-way street…you only get it if you’re willing to give it.
Tags: Commitment, Courage, Tiffany
2 Comments
This is wonderful Tiffany!! I am so happy you stuck it out with all the hard days and nights so that you could come to this point and write the article. It will help so many. I love you guys.
So wonderful to hear your voice through these lines. I agree children need to see the marriage in action with the altercations and resolves right in front of their eyes. Love… especially conquers all.