When I was growing up I could watch any horror movie and not be scared. Didn't matter whether it was Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th...even the Exorcist. Maybe because what looked like reality on TV was only an illusion, with special effects and heavy design makeup, but now that I'm all grown up, it seems that reality has me more afraid than anything I've ever seen on the silver screen. Living in a post 9-11 world it seems that everyone is in a constant state of fear whether it's the next terrorist attack, an economic meltdown, some end of the world scenario...even what there putting in certain foods of late. I mean just the other day I read that there's now pesticides in baby formula...really!! Maybe horror film director Clive Barker was right when he said, "Horror fiction shows us that the control we believe we have is purely illusory, and that every moment we teeter on chaos and oblivion." That surely seemed to be what I felt last week when my son boarded a plane for the first time and flew to Washington D.C. on his middle school class trip.
Everything seemed to be fine before the trip when suddenly, Tiffany gets a call from his teacher that our son was unresponsive mid-flight and had to be taken out on a stretcher by the paramedics upon landing. You can only imagine the horror I felt which is far beyond even my ability to put in words. It was like someone tied a cinder block to my lower intestine at the thought of possibly losing my son. Apparently his vitals signs were all fine when he woke up and we very hesitantly allowed him to finish his three day tour of the nation's capitol. Knowing there's a family history of seizures in our family we've taken him to have EEG's, MRI's and blood work done this week; we're still waiting for the results. Needless to say the whole ordeal left me emotionally drained, helpless and had me asking myself the question :
"What are you most afraid of?"
Nightmares are a pretty good indication that you've made something, bad or good, into an ultimate thing and in turn created a "monster" in your life. A monster that will crush you with it's merciless demands and unforgiving wants. Whether it's the monster of fear, greed, power, lust etc... If I had to take a "What am I most afraid of" quiz, I guess it's the fear of being completely and utterly alone....losing the ones I love and having no control over the matter. I was somewhat comforted those three days while Austin was in D.C, and I at home in breathless panic, with a picture I have hung in my kitchen that says, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". However, I think I just might rent Paranormal Activity on Uverse tonight...you know, since all the normal activity around the world is scaring the heck out of me.